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Soldiers in hiding

I saw Fred again yesterday. As a teenager I let my hair grow to resemble him.

He is there in the mountain, all alone.

What is the point of being sociable if all those around are just competing?

Yes, he is right. That isolation is happier.

By night he talks to the stream. That is high poetry! Words from the heart. So many claim such words, but are only talking common places.

Fred is really for real.

I liked him because he seemed experienced. All that I wanted to sound like.

But what is an experienced person?

It is someone non competitive.

We are pressed all the time to be sociable. If we prove to be sociable, they diminish the haldol.

But that is not the point. If we can engage somewhat uncompromised with our prestige, that is fine. But if we just want applause, that is empty.

The reason all spiritual people in history like the mountains.

I saw Brazilian veterans. They have such posture. I survived because of my greater romanticism .

Fred simply says he thought it would be like John Wayne. He was not enough prepared, reality overwhelmed him, he lost.

And he shares much with schizophrenics. He is scum. He trusts nobody.

Just like me.

My war was to be a schizophrenic. I won´t pretend I won! No I didn´t! I was unethical, cold. That is not good memory, and I always repeat: I lost the battle!

Just like Fred.

And I am embittered.

I know some people much more embittered than me who do not admit and keep mistreating everybody, and live only for sex.

Is that a life?

No it isn´t! Fred is right!

I am also going to the mountain.

I just pretend I like humans because I want to be discharged. But afterwards, if I am given freedom, what will keep me here?

You have told me I was scum. Gentlemen, too late for apologies!

Fred doesn´t lie. Brazilian veterans only lie.

That amazing sensibility, from where comes a strenght to move mountains. They think like the first christians facing the roman circus.

Fuck them all!

They gave all of themselves because people would come to know the time they kept silent.

I don´t know how those things happened. But they knew how much each was enduring there.

Like an olympiad wasn´t it?

Well, again, fuck them all!

Ask Fred about the politics of the viet nam war. He doesn´t know!

But these folks here they know everything. Completely politically enlightened. And completely submerged in competition. Doomed to compete to their last day.

I was many times accused of not being Brazilian. Well indeed those Americans seem more like survivors than some folks here.

Franckly speaking, it is petty to keep saying I resisted longer.

Lawrence could only withstand ten minutes.

They might be heroes these Brazilians. And I always respected their suffering and efforts.

But they meddled too much into my life. They repeatedly try to make me unethical.

As in Rome, that you expose your mothers to the news of your torture it is ok, but to make me listen to your singing it is too much for me!

The question changed and became if I appreciate their art. Well, I don´t!

That talking to the stream was more poetic.

You want my sincere assesment?

Yes, Fred is better artist than you.

Yes, I feel like going to the mountain.

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